Blair Waldorf Must Pie is the 9th episode of the first season and the 9th overall.
"As per Gossip Girl Thanksgiving tradition, I'm trading my laptop for stove-top. And for the next sixteen hours, the only thing I'm dishing is seconds. When the cat's away, the mice will play. Have fun, little rodents."
- Gossip Girl
When Dan hears that Serena and her family are spending Thanksgiving alone at The Palace, he naively invites them to spend the holiday with his family, creating an uncomfortable situation for Rufus and Lily whose children are unaware of their complicated romantic history. Meanwhile, Blair's emotions spiral out of control when she learns that her father isn't coming home for Thanksgiving. It is here that hints are given that Blair is bulimic. Nate spends the holiday with his mom and dad, but their awkward dinner quickly goes from bad to worse.
- italicized is a flashback*
The episode starts out with the infamous Gossip Girl narrating that she is going to be cooking for the next 16 hours so "when the cat's away, the mice will play" and to "have fun little rodents".
Previous years Thanksgiving, where Blair is escorting and yelling at a very wasted Serena from a bar. Serena realized that she lost her purse so Blair went back into the bar to get it, giving her specific instructions to stay put. Yeah right. A drunk Serena will do anything but what she's told to do. At that moment Dan is leaving the bakery with a pie, and sees Serena crossing the street, cars able to dodge her. He runs into the street and pushes her out of the way of being hit by a taxi. They talk briefly, or at least attempt to, but Blair comes back thinking Dan is a pervert hitting on her. She shoves Serena in a cab who's saying "Bye Dave." As they drive away Dan mumbles to himself "Bye Serena." If only he knew....
Present day Serena and Dan are on the phone. Serena is in a cab on her way to Blair's, whose dad is coming home for the holiday. Dan is in his house getting dressed, telling her how is mom is back and that things are good. They agree to talk later. In the Humphry kitchen, Alison, Rufus, and Jenny are cooking for Thanksgiving. It looks like they're feeding an army because of the amount of food they bought. Rufus and Alison look happy together, and Dan is still uneasy but he supports it.
At Blair's, she is trying to find a recipe for her dad's favorite pumpkin pie. She seems extra happy and chipper. That happens very rarely. Serena asks if she and Nate got back together, but Blair hostily reminds her of the "skank" he was with on her birthday signaling a no. Serena casually asks what Chuck is doing and Blair becomes defensive. Serena tells her she can tell her anything, no judgement, and saying she saw her with Chuck. Blair starts to babble about how stupid it was to sleep with him twice. Not once, twice. Serena a little freaked out asks her if it was for revenge. Blair says that it wasn't because she liked his natural musk. Serena asks her about how she wanted to wait and make it special. Blair brings up the fact that Serena and Nate hooked up. How she should know having sex with best friends is good revenge/payback, and asks her if she's jealous that Blair slept with Nate. Implying that Serena is slut who slept with almost every guy. Mrs. Waldorf comes downstairs asking Serena when her mother will be there, but Serena declares that they're not doing Thanksgiving there anymore. Blair states icily that she uninvited them, and the two have a frosty cat-fight stare-down. Too bad GG is on hiatus. She would've loooved that.
Serena, Lily, and Eric are in Chinatown shopping for Thanksgiving dinner. Lily doesn't know how to cook, and she states that there is nothing wrong with chinese food on Thanksgiving. Dan calls, and after Serena tells him that Blair kicked her out he invites their family to his house for Thanksgiving. Lily seems apprehensive about it.
Blair and her family are preparing Thanksgiving, while Serena is drunkily snoozing on the kitchen table. Blair runs over and nudges her awake. They playfully feed eachother. Mr. and Mrs. Waldorf talk about Blair. Mr. Waldorf says that the doctors told them not to push. Nate comes in and hugs Blair. Mr. Waldorf suggests taking Serena upstairs so they can meet Sober Serena. While Blair and her dad are talking, it is seen that Nate is very cozy and playful with Serena. He is even eager to help her.
Blair comes downstairs to the dining hall and sees caterers and others. Her mother breaks her heart by telling her that he father isn't coming. He decided to stay in Paris. Blair, hurt, asks why he wouldn't call and tell her, and her mother tells her that he is a coward. She tells Blair to get dressed better, and Blair leaves. Clearly upset. Oh, Gossip Girl...WHERE ARE YOU? ;)
Eric and Serena are leaving for the Humphry's, and their mom is not going. She orders room service, and declares that she is fine at home. Dan. Eric, and Serena urge/force her to come with them. Lily goes to her room and calls Rufus but gets his voicemail. She says that the kids don't know that they are friendly, and she wants to keep it that way. She then says flirtatiously that she looks forward to seeing him.
Blair is getting dressed and complaining to her maid about her father. The maid tells her to call her dad and he might tell her the real story.
The Archibald's are eating Thanksgiving, after being uninvited from the Waldorfs. Nate is aggravated that his parents are ignoring what is going on, and leaves the house.
Serena and Eric are introduced to Alison at the Humphry's who is pleased to meet them. Lily comes in and the two "meet". It is obvious they have met before, and they are not the best of friends from their looks. Seriously GG, get back here!
Alison asks Dan where the pie is and he says it got hit by a car while he was saving Serena. Alison admires that he saved a girl, and Jenny teases him. Dan tells them about Serena and it is blatantly obvious how crazy he is about her. But the problem is that he likes them drunk and almost dead and blonde. Alison makes a comment how he is like his father. Blonde and dangerous women. Dan asks his mom about her dangerous life, and she states that she never said it was her. Dan never knew there was another woman.
Awkward silence in the Humphry's. Lily pretends to introduce herself to Alison and vice versa. Jenny and Eric: Napkin duty, Serena and Dan: Drink duty. The adults talk about the elephant in the room, and they agree to just leave it. They agree that it is a holiday and that it should be shared. But not too much. Hmm..seems Lily had a interesting youth...
Blair is sitting at the table and tells her mom that she knows: Eleanor called her father and told him that Blair didn't want to see him. She was furious and she never wanted to see him. Eleanor is bitter to the situation, and completely shuns her daughter's words. Blair notices that her daddy's pie isn't there, and her mother tells her in a horrifying way that she only took the caterers options. Blair takes a pie to the kitchen. The maids leave her, as she sobs looking at the pie. Flashbacking to her times where she only nibbled on food. Blair is in a restaurant with Nate. She puts down her fork and runs to the bathroom. She goes into a stall and throws up. It is revealed that she is bulimic.
Blair takes a fork and begins to shove the pie down her throat. One big piece at a time. She dumps the empty plate in the sink, looks at her reflection and leaves the room to throw up.
At the Humphrey's, Serena gets a phone call. She runs off in a hurry, apologizes, but leaves. Lily talks about her life on the ranch with some horses. One named Rosewood. Jenny reminds them that Rufus wrote a song called Rosewood. He quickly says that he forgot about it and that's not what it's about. It's about Alison and her perfume. Alison says that she's a fool, and Rufus says she isn't. The secret of their knowing each other is revealed and everybody is awkward about it. They all leave the table,
In the bathroom Nate is telling Serena that Blair is a genius for making her take a bath. Serena agrees. She's still drunk and she takes the shower handheld and sprays him. He looks upset but then sprays her too, laughing. Blair comes in shocked. Nate and Serena looks guilty, but then she sprays her and Nate grabs Blair letting her get sprayed. The 3 of them laugh and have fun.
Nate is outside, crumpling up a smoked cigarette. He scrolls through his cell contacts. He lands on Blair, thinks for a moment, and keeps going. Serena. He thinks for another moment, and shuts the phone.
Serena knocks on the bathroom door and sits down next to a crying Blair on the floor. She didn't mean for herself to throw up. Serena says that she didn't see her dad downstairs, and Blair declares that her mom has to control the world.
Alison and Dan are walking and she's telling him about how the adults knew each other. Lily kept reminding her that she was his first love. She was jealous. Rufus comes into a room and finds Lily. He says he doesn't know what they are, but that the past few weeks have been... He doesn't say that he loved them, because he's married. He can't. Lily says that they aren't just friends because they kissed during the party. Alison overhears this.
Nate comes back and walks into his dad's office to talk to him. His dad is on the floor unconscious, and Nate screams for his mom to call 9-1-1.
Serena, Nate, and Blair come downstairs to the party and they are having fun. Serena is wearing Mr. Waldorf's shirt and she reaches for a champagne. Blair and Nate laugh and put it back on the tray. Blair goes off to help her dad in the kitchen. Mr. Archibald says that he has to leave for the office, but Mrs. Archibald refuses to let him go. She makes him stay but he doesn't.
Nate and his mom are waiting in the hospital hallway. His father OD'd on painkillers. . Nate tells her that his father has a problem and that ignoring it almost killed him. Mrs. Archibald refuses to take the blame. Anybody but her. She says that he never had to do anything. Everything was handed to him. She made it easier. Nate, angry tells her to wake up and realize what is going on. Nate tells her that he can't go on like this. He goes to check on his now awake father.
Lily, Alison, and Rufus are talking about how Rufus and Lily made out at a party. Lily gets defensive and says that there is an explanation. Serena comes back with Blair and feels the awkwardness in the air. The two go to find Dan. Dan, Eric, and Jenny are in her room discussing their parents situation. And that they are NOT related. Blair and Serena come back and they are filled in. Blair is distracted by the garage door in the room, and the adorable Cabbage Patch Cedric. Serena is disgusted and horrified that Lily and Rufus have had sex. Serena begs them to leave, and they decide to leave the apartment.
Alison gave Rufus and ultimatum: Her or Lily. Rufus looks like he knows the answer.
The kids are eating dinner at a diner, when Lily comes to them. Blair leaves thanking Serena, saying she'll call her doctor tomorrow. Jenny and Dan leave too. Dan says goodbye to Blair as she drives off in a cab, and he and Jenny talk on their walk home. Alison and Rufus come and offer to play some football. Alison and Jenny go off to strategize, while Dan and Rufus have a man-to-man talk. He chose Alison, and said it would be easier without Lily around. Dan changes the topic by offering to play football.
Blair comes home to find her mother who was worried sick about her. Her mom apologizes for lying to her father, and then tells her the real truth. Divorce papers. Even though he is living in Europe with another man, he was her husband. And she doesn't know what to do. She couldn't face him during the holidays. Their happiest time. Blair asks why she didn't just tell her, and Eleanor said that she would've been alone. Blair would've chosen daddy. They hug and Blair offers to do something since it's still Thanksgiving.
Mr. Archibald is waking up and Nate is pacing waiting. He never left even though his dad fell asleep. Nate confronts his father. Vicodin and whiskey. His dad tries to deny it but Nate knows the truth no matter what his father tells him. He tried to commit suicide. His father apologizes and says that he just couldn't do it anymore. Nate reassures him saying that they need him. He needs him.
Mr. Waldorf hands Nate leftovers as he is leaving. Nate kisses Blair goodbye, just as Lily and Eric come to pick Serena up. She is passed out on a chair and her mom asks if it was too much turkey. Blair laughs knowing the truth but says yes.
Serena, Eric, and Lily are sitting at the restaurant eating and laughing. Blair and her mom are eating cookies, drinking tea and talking at the kitchen counter. The Humphry's are on a field, laughing and playing football.
The Van der Woodsen's take Serena home, and Blair calls out good night and happy Thanksgiving. Her parents come in with a tray of cookies and tea. They sit down at the table talking and laughing. Dan is distracted during dinner thinking about Serena, but saying he was thinking about his mom's cooking.
Gossip Girl missed an eventful holiday. Maybe she had some scouts that spotted all the drama? Who knows. But I am curious to find out what happens next. And we all know GG will find out eventually. Right?
As the legendary blogger says: You know you love me
Recurring Cast Edit
Guest Cast Edit
- "Grand Opening" by Will Dailey
- "Promiscuous" by Nelly Furtado
- "Here We Go Again" by OK Go
- "La Ritournelle" by Sebastian Tellier
- "Nolita Fairytale" by Vanessa Carlton
- "Recurring" by Bonobo
- "Today" by Stickboy
- "Mandolin Concerto in C Major, RV 425, II. Largo" by Vivaldi
- "Four Seasons - Concerto No. 4 'Autumn' RV 293, III. Allegro" by Vivaldi
Memorable Quotes Edit
Alison: Just in time, but I thought you were going to bring pie.
Dan: I did, but it kind of got run over, by a taxi because I was trying to help this girl stay out of traffic.
Alison: Ah, well who needs dessert when we've got a real live hero in our midst?
Alison: A thing for blondes.You are your father's son.
Dan: Not just any blonde, apparently I like the ones that get drunk on Thanksgiving and almost die.
Alison: Well your dad liked them dangerous and troubled too.
Blair: Mom, he's living in Europe...with a man. You can't be all that surprised that he wants a divorce.
Eleanor: I'm not. But I am surprised by how it makes me feel. He was my husband, after all. My Harold... for almost twenty years.
Alison: Are you still thinking about your dream girl?
Dan: No, I was thinking about your stuffing, which looks delicious.
Jenny: Well, keep dreaming. Maybe one day she'll actually know your name.
Dan: Yeah, maybe. And then I'll have something to be thankful for.
Dan: So, uh, dad. Not that I'm mad, exactly. But, not telling me about Serena's mom? Extremely uncool.
Rufus: I should have said something, I know. And I'm sorry.
Dan: Given the ick factor alone, I'd say that you set my progress back by, at least, several months.
Rufus: Oh, come on. You're a Humphrey man. No daughter of Lily's could ever resist.
Blair: If you think about it, it makes total sense that you're mom was a groupie. I mean, only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step dad.
Serena: Blair, can we not talk about my mom's appetite?
Dan: No, or who satisfied her.
Alison: I think we're splitting hairs here, Rufus. An emotional affair is just as bad as a physical one.
Lily: Oh, please. Nobody's buying that. Emotional affairs are necessary to keep a marriage alive.
Alison: And how many times have you been divorced?
Dan: There's no chance we're related, right?
Jenny: Look at Erik's roots.
Erik: What do you mean? What's wrong with my roots?
Jenny: They're kinda Rufus-like.
Dan: So you threatened Lily van der Woodsen with physical violence? Mom, you are a bad-ass.
Alison: Yeah, well, what can I say? I was younger, then...and wearing steeled toed boots. No, no. We never actually came to blows. I focused on transforming my anger into art. I made some collages, I wrote a trilogy of one-act plays about her; named a character Milly. To try to be, you know, subtle.
Dan: Clever. What was so bad about her? I mean, aside from the superior fluttering eyelids and punishing sarcasm.
Alison: Well, uh, she was your dad's first great love. And she liked to remind me every chance she got. Kinda hard to compete with that.
Dan: Hey. Uh, bold choice of attire, Mrs. van der Woodsen. Unless that's what they're wearing at the runway these days.
Serena: No, my mom is sick out because she doesn't want to be imposing.
Lily: You know what? I'm fine just curling up and reading a good book.
Eric: You're supposed to be with your family on Thanksgiving.
Dan: And Nicholas Sparks is hardly family. I'm not taking no for an answer. In fact, I'm not even asking. You're coming with us. I'm adult-napping you.
Lily: There's nothing wrong with having Chinese food on Thanksgiving.
Lily: Jews have been doing it on Christmas since forever. Look, a pumpkin! It's festive, yes?
Serena: If you're sleeping with Chuck, I'd say the student has become the master.
Blair: Are you jealous? You didn't get to sleep with him first? There had to be somebody left in the Upper East Side.
Blair: Oh, so Nate gets a free pass and I'm the slut?
Serena: Tell me you didn't sleep with Chuck for revenge.
Blair: Well, it wasn't because I liked his natural musk. And, besides, nothing hurts more than sleeping with the best friend. Right, S?
Blair: Well, I was going to wait until after dinner but I guess now is as good as time as any. Did you call daddy and say that I didn't want to see him this thanksgiving?
Eleanor: Of course not! What a ridiculous accusation.
Blair: So you didn't tell him that I was so angry at him for leaving, that I didn't even wanna talk to him today? You would know not to invite him.
Eleanor: When are you gonna get it through your head, he left us.
Blair: He didn't leave us, he left you.
Serena: Look at you. Quite the chipper sous chef.
Blair: Well I'm in a good mood. It happens. Sometimes because I increase my Lexapro, sometimes because my dad's in town.
Lily: Rufus, it's Lily. Um, your very-persistent son insisted that I join you for dinner. I want to remind you that my kids do not know that we are friendly and I'd like to keep it that way. That said, I look forward to seeing you.
Anne: Your father and his headaches. Probably took a vicodin and forgot. Had some whiskey and next thing—
Nate: Mom, seriously. Did you hear anything the doctor said? With what he took he could have cured thirty headaches.
Anne (about Howard): All he had to do was sit behind a desk, put on a suit, and not get arrested. And he couldn't manage to do that. You want me to give him more responsibility in this family?
Cultural References Edit
- Bobby Flay - Blair mentions this famous chef when Serena talks about Blair's father's famous pie and Blair replies," It may have been Bobby Flay's but it didn't stop my dad from taking the credit for it."
- Citarella - When Nate compliments Anne's thanksgiving food, she replies," Thank god Citarella was still open." Citarella is a high-end food store.
- Nicholas Sparks - When Dan sees Lily reading a book by this author, he says,"Nicholas Sparks is hardly family."
- Jane's Addiction - Lily mentions this american rock band when she says," Try spending nine hours with Jane's Addiction on the Ohio turnpike."
- Chinatown - Lily,Serena,and Eric are seen strolling through Chinatown to try find some meat to cook for thanksgiving
- Ohio Turnpike - Lily mentions this long highway from Chicago to Pittsburgh when she says," Try spending nine hours with Jane's Addiction on the Ohio turnpike."
Food & Drink Edit
- Canapes - In a flashback, Eleanor says,"The canapes were a huge success, I saved one for you Blair." Blair replies," I had like 15 of them when Dan made them this morning."
- Cranberry Sauce - Dan says," Only if I can take the cranberry sauce out of the can because that is my specialty."
- Fries - At a cafe, Lily says," I need fries." She then says to the waiter," Could I get some french fries? Just keep them coming."
- Ginger Tea - Eleanor is seen carrying a tray of ginger tea in a flashback. Also, on the present day Eleanor and Blair are seen drinking ginger tea and eating biscuits.
- Harold's Pumpkin Pie - Blair's father's tradition and specialty is to make this pumpkin pie each thanksgiving.
- Peking Duck - Eric asks Lily sarcastically if their going to have peking duck on thanksgiving
- Pie - This is the main food featured this episode, since it's thanksgiving. In a flashback, Dan is seen buying a pie but then it gets run over after he rescues Serena from getting hit by a car.
- Pumpkin - Lily picks up a pumpkin in Chinatown and says,"This is festive." Serena then calls Dan and says," My Mom is going to slice us up a pumpkin." Dan replies," You can't eat duck and raw pumpkin on thanksgiving."
- Sandwich - Dan,Serena,Eric,Jenny,and Blair all end up going out to a cafe for thanksgiving and ordering sandwiches.
- Turkey - .Rufus is the first to mention turkey when he says," It means more midnight turkey sandwiches for all of us." All the families are seen serving turkey at thanksgiving, except the teenagers of the Humphrey and Van Der Woodsen families end up eating sandwiches at a cafe
- Whiskey - Howard passed out after overdosing on Vicodin and drinking too much whiskey