S by S
I haven’t always had the best luck when it comes to relationships. I’ll be honest, I’ve fallen for a few bad guys. Okay, maybe more than a few. From polygamist artists to Southern conmen, I’ve dated some real losers over the years. However, while most of the men from my past were bad, there have also been some guys who were actually pretty good. Ones who treated me with respect, and who, I thought, could be around for the long haul. But they weren’t. People break up all the time. Yet my break ups were different. They were always abrupt and I was often left without closure. It was hard to accept my failure in dating. Why was this constantly happening to me? Was I just clueless when it came to men and partnerships? But then I soon realized the problem. Whenever I dated a guy it wasn’t just the two of us in the relationship. There was always someone else. And it wasn’t a family member or a friend, it was Gossip Girl.
Ever since I was fourteen, Gossip Girl has been reporting my every waking move. She tells the world when I buy a bra at Barneys. Or when I drink a latte from Saint Ambrose’s. But nothing fascinates her more, than posts on my dating life. Every single date I ever went on in New York has been mentioned on Gossip Girl. From what I ate to what I wore to whether or not there was a kiss, she has given the specific details, of what should be a private matter, for all to see online. For a twenty year old, it’s daunting. For a girl going through adolescence, it’s traumatizing. I’ve been engaged in a constant series of threesomes and I’m only now realizing it.
But now that Gossip Girl has disappeared; I’ve found myself in a relationship that seems to be the healthiest one I’ve ever had. I feel like I can do things with the guy that I was never able to do before. We can hold hands while we walk down Fifth Ave. We can steal kisses while we wait in the line at the movies. We can even go to Brooklyn without the snark! And no one is calling him Lonely Boy. It’s as if New York is our oyster and we can do whatever it is that we want to do without the fear of someone watching us. Or judging us. It’s refreshing. It makes me feel light and airy. Full of promise and hope. Perhaps this relationship could be it. With no Gossip Girl I don’t have to worry about what people think. I can be myself with this man and show him the real Serena Van Der Woodsen. The one that I always wanted but couldn’t have since the spotlight was constantly on me. No that the spotlight has dimmed, I think I’m ready to take the plunge and fall in love. But this time, it’s going to be on my own terms.