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Raiders of the Lost Art

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Raiders of the Lost Art
Season 5, Episode 22
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Air date 4/30/12
Written by Jake Coburn
Directed by Bart Wenrich
Episode Slogan ELIZABETH HURLEY AND DESMOND HARRINGTON GUEST STAR
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Raiders of the Lost Art is the 22st episode of the fifth season and 109th episode overall.

Summary

Chuck, Nate, Blair, Serena and Lola team up to uncover what they think is an explosive secret between Diana and Jack. Meanwhile, Dan is offered a prestigious fellowship in Rome for the summer.

Recap

Speechless. I am utterly flabbergasted after the shocking bomb that just exploded. And boy, was it massive! Okay, okay. Before I get to it all, I need to rewind a bit. Here goes.

Diana and Jack Bass were in cahoots over a highly sensitive and secretive operation. If anything were to go wrong, they’d be screwed. But uh oh, Diana couldn’t find her day planner. So she started to panic. Where the ef could it be? Oh, I know! Nate and Chuck had it. Remember, Nate had stolen it after his and Diana’s afternoon delight. The only problem was that the bookwas in code. WTF? It was just a bunch of jumbled numbers and letters. Crap. However, Chuck and Nate were optimistic. They could figure out the code. And once they did it would lead them to Jack who Chuck had a lot of questions for. Was he his real father?! Hmm…Get cracking, guys!

Meanwhile, Lola had finally convinced Nate that Serena was acting as Gossip Girl. Unfortunately, even though they now had the GG username and password (that Lola had stolen from S’ room), they were being denied access into the website. Serena must have changed it all. Ugh. But Lola was still determined to take the faker down. Perhaps by overthrowing Serena, they could also overthrow her ally Diana Payne. Get that Brit out of The Spectator for good. But how would they do all this? Well, Nate did have the real Gossip Girl’s number since she texted him one time (after the horrific car accident). Score! And thus Nate and Lola’s plan began to roll into motion.

Lola, the new van der Woodsen daughter, went to see her sister cousin, Serena, and told her that Diana was working with the real GG to take S down. GG was probably using one of Diana’s secrets to blackmail her into working with her. Since Lola had Diana’s day planner, perhaps the half sisters could get to the secret first. They just had to decode the book. And that’s when Serena said she once saw Diana writing in that very day planner with a smaller book next to it. That’s probably the key. Serena should find that book and then they could start decoding it all. We are family! Yay! But actually, nay! Because right after Lola left, S IMed Diana to tell her the gang had her day planner. S’ a double agent!! Diana told Serena to get the book back from her friends ASAP. But S was all “what’s in it for me?” Diana said that she had GG’s cell phone number. If they tracked down the real Gossip Girl, Serena could blackmail her and therefore keep the site as her own forever. Evil laugh muahahaha.


All the while, Dan was having some serious writer’s block. Weirdly enough, his girlfriend was also a bit clogged when it came to getting inspiration. In fact, Blair was going to spend the day at the Met to soak in all its beauty and hopefully get unclogged. Dan, on the other hand, had been put in touch with a woman named Lucia through his agent. Lucia worked for the Italian Arts and Letters Institute in Rome and she invited Dan to be an artist in residence there. Whoa! Dan thought that was exactly what his uninspired mind needed. The only problem was that it was for the entire summer and he needed to talk to his girlfriend before accepting. So when he called up Blair to discuss this with her, he was surprised to learn she was not at the Met like she said she would be. So where was she? Turned out, B was at the Empire. With her friends (including Chuck). You see Chuck had recruited her for their deciphering project. This was right up Blair’s alley. She could not turn down such an awesome venture! Blair told Dan he should say yes to the Rome program. It’d be good for him. Besides, they’re the kind of couple who don’t hold one another back, they help each other grow. Aww?

Serena came back to the Empire to tell the group that she struck out and couldn’t find the decoder book (you didn’t even look!). Boo. She told everyone good luck and was on her way. But as S left, she pocketed Diana’s day planner. Whaaaat? Fortunately, Lola realized it and ran after Serena. WTF, S? Why was she protecting Diana? S admitted that Diana had GG’s phone number. Sorry, but finding GG was more important than helping Nate kick Diana out of The Spectator. But then Chuck told S that Diana had lied. She wasn’t his actual mother. She was just covering for his real father. Who happened to be Jack. The book was the only chance of tracking Jack down. S was shocked. Huh? Serena felt bad so she handed over the book. Way to pull at the heartstrings!

While looking at Diana’s day planner, Blair tried most standard code breakers. Nothing was working. Hmm. Although she did notice that on the 1st Saturday of every month at 9pm, there was an appointment made up of 14-15 letters. And luckily, there was an appointment scheduled for that night. If they cracked those, they’d crack the rest. But it’s so hard! Therefore it was time to call in for backup. Paging housekeeper extraordinaire Dorota! She showed up at Diana’s hotel room acting as a masseuse. Dorota put an earpiece in which allowed our favorites to listen in on her conversation with Diana. She asked Diana why she had missed last month’s appointment. Diana said she hadn’t booked an appointment since she wasn’t in the country. Dorota gave some hard rubs to find out which country that could be. Diana finally cracked. Literally. Portugal! Blair looked at the book. OMG! The letters were international phone numbers. Last month’s included the country code for Portugal. So Chuck called the number that was listed for that night. He told the person on the other line that he was interested in attending the event. The woman gave him the address of the Vardin House in Briarcliff Manor. Oh gosh. What are they getting involved in?!?!

Since the book was useless to the gang, Serena gave it back to Diana. In exchange, Diana gave Serena GG’s real #. But before S could even look at it, Lola swooped in and took the piece of paper from her. They should GPS GG’s location and track her down. Unbeknownst to S, Lola texted Nate that they were on their way. Ahhh what is happening?!?

Blair, Chuck and Nate all went to the “party” which was more like a bunch of scantily clad ladies hanging out with guys in suits. Whaaaaat? Chuck knew exactly what this was. It was a roving brothel. His father had been a member. This was the perfect place for a degenerate like Jack to hang out at. He must be hiding somewhere. They had to find him! Perhaps a tour of the house from a prostitute? Lead the way harlot!


Serena and Lola showed up. They got into the party pretending to be waitresses. The guy at the door had asked if they were India’s girls and they said yes. Thank goodness they got in because they had GPS’d Gossip Girl and she was in the building. Whoa! Come find me!
Nate spotted Diana at the party. Yes! They were so close to finding out her secret. Unfortunately, before Nate could confront her, Diana went into a room where she started watching everything go down via security cameras. She flipped when she saw Chuck and Blair were there and immediately called the head of security. Yikes.

Serena couldn’t wait any longer to find Gossip Girl. So she called the number she was given and heard ringing. OMG! Within freaking reach! But all of a sudden, everyone started rushing out of rooms. Security guards were telling everyone to get out. The cops had been tipped off and they were on their way. Party’s over!! And so was S’ quest to find GG. HA!

Chuck finally found Jack in a room. He wanted answers. Diana Payne wasn’t his mother and Jack had been the one who was behind all the lies. Chuck showed him the picture of Elizabeth pregnant with the tattooed arm wrapped around her. That was Jack’s arm! Is he his father? But then they were interrupted when security busted in and took Chuck away! Noooooo…

And while Blair was searching the house, she opened the door and saw something crazy. Something shocking. Something frightening. OMG what was it? Later, Blair found Jack. Did he tell Chuck about what he’s actually hiding here? Jack said that no one’s supposed to know about this. So many people will get hurt. Blair absolutely cannot tell Chuck what she saw. No matter what! But when Blair and Chuck found one another again, he could sense something was up. She told him he needed to go back into that house at once! Hmmm…!

Nate and Lola found Diana. Nate warned Diana that unless she wanted everyone to know she ran a high-class escort service, she needed to walk away from The Spectator forever. Diana just laughed. Amateurs. The cops weren’t really coming. How was Nate going to even prove this? Nate though Serena could break this story on GG right this instant. But when Serena went to sign into Gossip Girl, her password was denied. And her computer? It was gone. Why? Because GG had taken it. Nate and Lola had set S up. Poor, S. Turned out, Nate had texted me their location and told me that S would show up at the house. He and Lola made sure I got to her computer so I could change the password and finally take my site back once and for all. Serena was livid. And when she called the phone number she had for GG, it had been disconnected. Sucker!!

Little did Blair know but Dan had seen B and Chuck get into a limo together earlier and he followed them to Briarcliff Manor. Now Dan didn’t get out of the car, but he did realize something important. He called up Lucia and told her that he would not be going to Rome. Whaaaat? Dan thought that he could work anywhere but his relationship could not. Putting romance before career? Not a fan! Blair went to see Dan after the crazy night she’d been through. Dan even lied and said that Lucia had found someone else for the program. Wanting to make sure he made the right decision, Dan told Blair he loved her. And guess what? She didn’t say it back! Whoa!!
Oh, Serena. No GG, no nothing. Life must suck. But good for moi, because I put a blast out. I’m back, bitches. Feels so good!
Diana and Jack were relieved that no one found out their secret and their plan was still in motion. But little did they know, Chuck had returned to the house and when he went into a room he saw something. Something so astonishing, so bizarre, that I can’t even believe I’m about to type this. Standing in front of Chuck was….BART BASS! OMFG Bart’s alive?

Dramatis Personae

Main Cast

Recurring

Soundtrack

Quotes

Trivia

  • Nate knows Serena was gossip girl due to Lola stealing the old password.
  • The brothel is revealed to be run by Diana.
  • Serena alerted Diana about her missing day planner.
  • Bart Bass is alive!!

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