The Blair Bitch Project is the 14th episode of the first season and the 14th overall.
Wakey wakey, Upper East Siders. Spring Break is done and I'm starved for the dish. Were you stunning in Capri or sinning in Croatia? Give me the deets. And has anyone spotted our ex Queen B? Where does the dethroned royalty vacation these days?
Having been recently dethroned as Queen Bee, Blair Waldorf returns to school with the support of her BFF, Serena van der Woodsen to find she is still on the outs with her old friends. Dan Humphrey visits his mother over Spring Break, and when he returns Jenny Humphrey is on the verge of becoming a full-fledged member of the A-List crowd. Jenny must go to dangerous and even illegal lengths to fit in. Serena van der Woodsen struggles to adjust to living with Chuck, and receives disturbing packages from an unknown sender. But can Blair be accepted again? And what will Jenny's new friendship with Nate mean for the Upper East Side?
Memorable Quotes Edit
Serena: B, what are you doing?
Blair: Giving home schooling some serious consideration.
Serena: So do you think Jenny'll be alright?
Nate: Yeah, Dan's a good guy, he'll take care of her.
Serena: You are too, you know, a good guy. A forgiving guy? Who can't pit himself against Blair forever?
Serena: I'm sorry! You gave me an opening I couldn't resist... I'm just saying.
Serena: Okay let's get one thing straight. Our parents might be insisting on blending our households but I am not your sister. I do not share any of your DNA, nor do I ever wish to.
Chuck: Then I suggest you get new hand towels.
Penelope: What's Blair doing here?
Elise: I don't know, but this party's kind of weird.
Hazel: Weird? It's time for it's induction into the hall of lame.
Gossip Girl: As any good general knows, you never let your soldiers see you sweat. Looks like this battle's ending at Butter, and the win goes to B. Victory is sweet.
Serena: You're right, Mom. This morning I woke up feeling a little uneasy and thought to myself "Hmm, maybe I'll call the entire junior class out to the courtyard for a little champagne toast".
Gossip Girl: One may be the loneliest number,but sometimes only the lonely can play. Wake up little Jenny. The bitch is back.
Blair: How do you manage to get out of everything unscathed?
Serena: Because I'm nice. You should try it. Come on, compliment me, tell me my hair looks beautiful.
Blair: But your hair looks disgusting. Did you even shower today?
Serena: B, I say this out of love. But being a bitch is what got dairy in your hair in the first place.
Gossip Girl: The French Revolution had cake, the American Revolution had tea, but looks like the overthrow of Blair Waldorf, well, Who said you need a silver spoon to dole out just desserts?
Eric: I'm hiding from my valet. He wanted to put my socks on for me this morning.Your servants are very attentive.
Chuck: You should meet Brigita the maid.
Serena: No! No he should not meet Brigita, he's 14, ignore this person.
Chuck: May I remind you Serena that you used to have a sense of humour.
Blair: What's happening?
Dorota: You have bad dream and you're sleeping with your chocolate.
Blair: Oh, Lady Godiva,my only friend.
Lily(to Serena): Don't leave your dirty package on the table.
Chuck: If I had a dime for every time I heard that.
Bart: That's enough Chuck.
Dorota: Club Bed is over. First day back to school.
Blair: I can't, Dorota. I don't feel very well.
Dorota: Serena come to get you soon.
Blair: Call her and cancel! And cover my mirrors. I'm in mourning for my former life.
Jenny: Oh, I'm not scared of Blair, Nate.
Nate: I'm not talking about Blair, I'm talking about your new circle. I mean they've been friends with Blair forever and look what they're doing to her. When you fall out of line what do you think's gonna happen to you?
Jenny: Well, then I won't fall out of line.
Nate: I'm not saying you're gonna.It's just, you're not like those girls, Jenny.
Jenny: That's weird, Nate. Since they're my friends you'd think we'd have some stuff in common.
Nate: Okay. Well I will give you this.You've got good aim.
Gossip Girl: Spotted: Blair Waldorf alone at Butter. Humiliated, party of one.
Bart: You almost ruined things between Lily and me before. I'm not going to let that happen again.
Chuck: What are you talking about?
Bart: I'm talking about that vulgar stunt you pulled at dinner.
Chuck: I didn't send Serena that package, and quite frankly her "Violated Virgin Mary" act is getting pretty old.
Gossip Girl: Spotted: Jenny in a red dress with the red hands to match. Looks like Utter Disgrace is the name on the label.
Jenny: You think that you could just send me off to school with a plaid skirt and a Metro Card and that everything would be okay.
Rufus: I am not apologising for not having a private plane for you, Jenny.
Eric: Chuck is fun, okay? He's cool and he doesn't treat me like some freak that just got out of the Ostroff Center.
Serena: Who treats you like that?
Eric: Uh, guys at St. Jude's, the girls at Constance. Sook, at the Korean deli on 75th street.
- Taylor Momsen as Jenny Humphrey
- Kristen Bell as Gossip Girl (voice)
- Kelly Rutherford as Lily van der Woodsen
- Matthew Settle as Rufus Humphrey
- Penn Badgley as Dan Humphrey
- Leighton Meester as Blair Waldorf
- Jessica Szohr as Vanessa Abrams
- Ed Westwick as Chuck Bass
- Chace Crawford as Nate Archibald
- Blake Lively as Serena van der Woodsen
Special Guest Stars Edit
- Robert John Burke as Bart Bass
- Nicole Fiscella as Isabel Coates
- Connor Paolo as Eric van der Woodsen
- Nan Zhang as Kati Farkas
- Amanda Setton as Penelope Shafai
- Dreama Walker as Hazel Williams
- Zuzanna Szadkowski as Dorota Kishlovsky
- "Moon River" by Henry Mancini
- "Eucalyptus" by Deadly Syndrome
- "Feeling Better" by The Teenagers
- "Back Seat Taxi" by Silver Money
- "'Drive Me Crazy" by Miss Eighty 6
- "On The Run" by Classic
- "Rippin' up the Disco" by Kylie Minogue
- "Sour Cherry" by The Kills
Cultural References Edit
- Bergdorf Goodman - Jenny mentions this luxury department store
- Breakfast at Tiffany's - Blair's dream is a recreation of the final scene of this film
- Chanel - The girls ask if Isabel is going to be wearing her black Chanel dress
- Dolce & Gabbana - Jenny buys a dress by this designer
- Henri Bendel - Jenny mentions this luxury department store
- Klaus von Bulow - Chuck calls Lily, "Lily von Bulow",Who was a a British socialite accused of the attempted murder of his wife
- Nanette Lepore - Hazel shows off her new dress made by this designer
- Salvatore Ferragamo - Hazel says she's going to wear her clutch from this designer
- The American Revolution - Gossip Girl mentions this, which was the rebellion of thirteen of the North American colonies of Great Britain who declared themselves independent in 1776 as the United States of America.
- The French Revolution - Gossip Girl mentions this, which was the 10-year period from 1789 to 1799 during which France went from a monarchy ruled by King Louis XVI to a republic ruled by the people
- Valentino - Jenny stole Hazel's mother's dress from this designer fashion company
- Butter Restaurant - Penelope invites the girls to have dinner here tonight
- Capri - Gossip Girl mentions this place, which is an Island in Naples, Italy
- Cafe Socialista - Penelope says Jenny's party is going to be here
- Croatia - Gossip Girl mentions this place, which is a country in Europe
- Giza - Chuck suggests to visit this city in Egypt for the bachelor party
- Maldives - Penelope says that they should do a spring break in this tropical county in Asia
- Monte Carlo - Chuck suggests to go here for the bachelor party, located in Monaco,France.
Food & Drink Edit
- Bellini - Blair orders this cocktail
- Champagne - Serena receives a package of three cases of this drink
- Chestnut Pappardelle - Chuck says he prefers this flavour of this pasta noodle
- Foie Gras - Lily says that this luxury meat is a bit rich
- Lady Godiva Chocolates - Blair is seen in bed with a box of these luxurious chocolates
- Milano Cookies - Penelope mentions these cookies
- Mini Cuban Sandwich - Isabel mentions this sandwich
- Mojito - Jenny says that the Mojito cocktails at Cafe Socialista are amazing
- Seared Squab - Blair orders this type of pigeon to eat
- Venison Fallow - Dan says that he likes this
- Yoghurt - Blair's posse spills yoghurt on her head to embarrass her in front of the whole school