Where the Vile Things Are is the sixth episode of the sixth season and 117th episode overall.
They say the early bird gets the worm. Inspiring motivation.. if you're the bird. The worm, however, has no idea when her future will be plucked away by the next airborne attacker.
Blair gets ready for her mothers imminent arrival, but is unprepared for the set of demands her mother puts upon her. Serena volunteers to help Dan find a new place to live, but their time together brings up unexpected emotions. With Ivy's help, Chuck discovers there is evidence incriminating his father in illegal activities and enlists the help of Nate to retrieve it. Meanwhile, Rufus and Ivy are excited about their art gallery opening until they find an empty RSVP list and must scramble to find another way to make the event a success.
The episode begins with Blair having her staff line up to prepare for Eleanor's arrival. She catches a staffer reading the latest installment in the Inside Out serial: an article about her. She fires the woman and complains about how Dan wrote her to be conniving, manipulative, and still trapped in high school. Blair is telling Dorota that Eleanor will be so happy with all the orders from buyers she won't be angry at anything Dan wrote. Eleanor then shows up and orders everyone to get back to work, tells Dorota to go back to the apartment, and finally tells Blair that her stage isn't fooling anyone and to get in the office. Blair announces that the Cotillion dress was ordered by the three B's, Barney's, Bergdorf's, and Bloomingdale's. Eleanor agrees, but adds that she did so at the cost of the company reputation. Eleanor continues that the problems begin and end with Blair and her split personalities, and that if she wants to remain in charge, she has to get rid of the deviant side of her. Blair hesitantly agrees to try and become a more mature businessperson.
At the loft, Ivy goes to check how many RSVPs the gallery opening has received in order to give the caterer a final headcount, but discovers that everyone declined the invitation. At The Empire, Chuck is watching security footage from the VDW building, and tells Nate that he bribed a night doorman to get it. He explains that Ivy told him about an envelope Bart held onto tightly, and he discovered that it had the stamp of The First International Bank of Sudan, and it was delivered by Bruce Caplan; the Bass Industries business manager. Nate doesn't think he'll give Bart's secrets up to Chuck, but Chuck answers that if maybe Nate asked for some business advice he might let something slip. Back at the loft, Rufus finds out that everyone rejected his invitation to attend a charity event hosted by Lily. Ivy decides to call The Art Production fund to donate some money in hopes of getting the event cancelled. At the VDW's, Lily greets Dan in the kitchen before heading off to a lunch with her friends and then to her benefit. She leaves and Serena comes in. She shows him that she read the Blair article, and says that even though they've both burnt a lot of bridges, they still have each other. Dan thanks her for letting her stay and now that he got his first paycheck from Vanity Fair, he's going to look for a place. Serena offers to come and look at apartments with him, and he agrees. Once outside, he shows her that he bought a Vespa after spending all summer in Italy on one. Serena becomes excited, as she loves Vespas, and paparazzi run up. Serena and Dan ride off together to avoid them. Once they stop, Serena admits that maybe they should apartment hunt on a different day due to having a following. They decide to head for a quiet place to have a drink instead.
At The Empire, Nate is meeting with Bruce, along with some girls and champagne. He asks about hiding confidential information, and Bruce replies that hiding confidential information is his speciality. He tells Nate to send him his books for a recommendation and leaves with the girls. Chuck comes out of his room and demands to know why he let him leave. Nate reveals he stole his phone because Bruce wasn't going to give answers easily. At the Waldorf's, Eleanor and Blair arrive and Eleanor says she'll admit Blair took steps to rebuilding the brand but still has a long way to go. She reveals that Nelly is waiting for Blair to have a light lunch with so they can make amends. Back at The Empire, Nate has gotten into Bruce's phone and he and Chuck are hunting for any links to Bart. Chuck suggests looking at the calendar the day he dropped the envelope off, and they discover an event titled "Bass, Traffic". Meanwhile, Ivy and Rufus arrive at the location of Lily's charity event. Ivy offers to buy all the artwork being auctioned and when the PR man, Benedict Tate, accepts, she asks if they can cancel the party. He says that it's too late to cancel, and Rufus jumps in that he has an idea that might raise even more money. At the same bar they went to on their first date, Dan and Serena are playing pool. Dan is impressed with the way Serena plays, and she admits she could always play. A Gossip Girl blast comes in telling where they are. Dan suggests he leave out front and distract the paparazzi while she goes out the back and gets a cab. Serena sulkily agrees, and Dan admits that the day they spent together was nice. At The Empire, Nate and Chuck are trying to decipher the Traffic clue. While going through the phone, Chuck finds a list of movies, including Traffic. Chuck remembers that in the movie, the head of the drug cartel hid the records of his trades in the back of a painting. Nate agrees to head over to the VDW's and start looking at the backs of the paintings.
At the Waldorfs, Nelly is filling Blair in on a guy she never heard from again. When she's done, Blair asks if she'll tell Eleanor that she apologized and that they're best friends. Nelly refuses to, and Blair announces she will or she'll release a photo of Nelly in a fat suit from when she starred in The Age of Innocence (The Age of Dissonance). Eleanor then comes in and asks how they're getting along. Blair lies that they're getting along famously, but Nelly replies that Blair just tried to blackmail her, then leaves. Blair tries to blame Nelly, but Eleanor replies that Dan's thesis on her was correct and finishes by demoting her and taking back the presidency of Waldorf Designs. At the event location, Lily arrives and discovers Rufus planning to hang his own artist's work up. Benedict informs her that Rufus and Ivy broke a fundraising record and sharing her hosting duties is a small price to pay for being so generous. She announces that she's going to make her own donation that will break their record. Elsewhere, Blair tracks down Dan at a chocolate shop. She confronts him about the article, but Dan tells her that his article was correct and even Eleanor knows it before walking away. Blair then calls Nelly and asks her to meet at Lily's party because she has something to say that she'll want to hear. At the VDW's, Nate is checking the back of all the paintings while on the phone with Chuck about his progress. Serena comes down, and Nate lies that he's checking out Lily's artwork to write a story about it for The Spectator. She tells him that she's reading Dan's short story he wrote about the day he met her and that they spent the day together and had a nice time. Nate reminds her that she's still hurting from her breakup with Steven and that it's too soon to have real feelings for Dan, and that he isn't the same person he once was. Serena realizes he's right and starts to negatively talk about him. Dan comes in and overhears, then sadly says he brought her chocolate strawberries because he knows how much she likes them. She follows him down the hall leaving Nate alone. Before hanging up with Chuck, he realizes that the painting of the rainbow woman (which hung near the first flight of stairs) is missing. Meanwhile at the event spot, Lily has donated that painting and they're planning a special auction just for the piece. It's also shown that that is the painting with the records in the back.
At the party, Lily berates Ivy and tells her that she will never amount to her level. Ivy replies that she's aspiring to be better, and that she always liked the painting. Elsewhere, Blair, Eleanor, and Nelly meet. Blair says she's making an apology to Eleanor and wanting Nelly to write about it. She announces that she's resigning from Waldorf Designs due to having no real talent. In his limo, Chuck finds out from Nate that they're only taking bids for paintings in person. Due to traffic, he exits the car and heads there on foot. Back at the party, Lily tells Rufus she won't allow Ivy to make a mockery of the event by bidding on things she can't afford. Rufus informs her that she can afford anything she wants, since she has CeCe's money. The auction begins and Lily and Ivy begin a bidding war but are interrupted by Chuck running in and biding $750,000. At the VDW's, Serena is trying to apologize for what she said about Dan. They begin to argue, and she follows him into the elevator. They start to go down and Dan admits they'd be better off moving on without each other. Suddenly the elevator stops moving. Back at the auction, Chuck, Lily, and Ivy are trying to win the painting. They begin to argue and don't stop until the painting is sold for $1.1 million to Rufus. Chuck angrily walks off and Lily receives a text from Bart telling her she cannot sell the painting. Lily approaches Rufus and Ivy, then asks to buy back the painting. They decline, and Ivy says she'll send it to a museum far away where she can't visit it. Rufus sides with Ivy and tells Lily that she brought losing the painting on herself. At the VDW's, Dan apologizes to Serena for not responding when she said she loved him. He admits that he couldn't face getting what he always wanted and then risk losing it. She admits that she had to convince herself he was terrible to move on and prevent getting hurt. The elevator begins working again, and she invites him to come up and have some chocolate covered strawberries before leaving. He accepts.
On the Met steps, Nelly finds Blair and thanks her for giving her something to write about. She tells Blair that no one cares about her anymore, and Blair thanks her for her misinformation and leaves. Back at the party, Ivy is overseeing the packaging of the painting. Chuck comes up and asks to buy it. Ivy agrees to sell it to him for twice what she paid. At the VDW's, Serena admits to Dan that she wants another fresh start and Dan says that she has one with him. He goes to leave, not wanting to impose. She tells him he can stay or go, whatever he wants. He leans over and kisses her, telling her that that's what he wants. At Waldorf Designs, Blair arrives to see Eleanor. She explains that she realized that her dark side is her talent, and her inspiration. She proposes that she create a line of clothing based on her Constance uniform. Eleanor is skeptical of the idea, but Blair assures her that the girls who buy them will set trends, not follow them. Eleanor agrees to give her one last chance. At The Empire, the painting has arrived and Nate and Chuck unwrap it. They discover that someone else got to the envelope first and has the evidence. At the loft, it's revealed Ivy has the records. She's on the phone with someone, saying she has the silver bullet and that it's time they come back. When she hears Rufus enter, she hangs up and they start to celebrate their evening. As the party is being cleaned up, Lily is on the phone telling Bart she had no idea that's where he hid his oil records. At The Empire, Chuck begins to drink frustrated, angry and frustrated and at the atelier, Blair and Eleanor have begun the groundwork for her line. Finally at the VDW's, Serena and Dan are kissing and she leads him to her bedroom door. He asks if she's sure it's what she wants, and she responds by kissing him and they head into the room, closing the door.
- Blake Lively as Serena van der Woodsen
- Leighton Meester as Blair Waldorf
- Penn Badgley as Dan Humphrey
- Chace Crawford as Nate Archibald
- Ed Westwick as Chuck Bass
- Kaylee DeFer as Ivy Dickens
- Kelly Rutherford as Lily van der Woodsen
- Matthew Settle as Rufus Humphrey
- Margaret Colin as Eleanor Waldorf
- Zuzanna Szadkowski as Dorota Kishlovsky
- Yin Chang as Nelly Yuki
- John Bolton as Bruce Caplan
- Marc Kudisch as Benedict Tate
- Richard Phillips as Himself
- Doreen Remen as Herself
- Vivid by Lemonade
- Trophy Kids by My Fiction
- Shanghai Surprise by My Fiction
- Knives & Bombs by My Fiction
- Deals by All Wrong And The Plans Change
- Flutes by Hot Chip
- Be Gone by Tara Simmons
- Stay by MNDR
- So Electric by Wild Future
- Little Bird by White Arrows
Dorota: Hell hath no fury like a Lonely Boy scorned.
Dan: You can never offend me with the truth.
Chuck: I underestimated you, Nathaniel.
Nate: Well, you're not the first person to say that.
Chuck (on the Traffic clue): It's Bart's oil trafficking or something else he's illegally selling.
Nate: Like a nuclear bomb in a briefcase!
Chuck: You watch too many movies.
Nelly (on Blair's blackmail): Is that me as Mrs. Mingott in a fat suit? That was embarrassing.
Dan: Do you hear yourself? You're trying to bully me into retracting an article about you being a bully.
Blair: No! I'm proving to my mother that I am the mature, polite, professional woman who should be running Waldorf Designs!
Dan: Blair, you tracked me down with your Spotted map and threatened me with the return of Vanessa. You are not mature, polite, or professional. And even your own mother knows it.
Serena (on Dan): He has become a selfish egomaniac who will destroy his family and friends for money and attention, for fame.
Lily: You can pretend to be Lola, you can pretend to be Serena, but you will never be me.
Ivy: I don't want to be you. I want to be better. Rufus already thinks I am.
Rufus: Ivy can afford any painting she wants.
Lily: And with what money? I know it's not yours.
Rufus: You're right. It's CeCe's.
Serena: I told you I loved you and then you rejected me for my best friend!
Dan: You've rejected me for almost everyone on the Upper East Side.
Eleanor (to Blair): You did instill fear in the hearts of many.
- Rufus mentions that Bex Simon, whom he briefly dated and is an art collector of Lily's, declined the invitation to attend the art gallery.
Blair Waldorf: The Queen of Scheme
If you live in New York, or you have your finger on even the faintest pulse of modern fashion, then you've seen the disaster that is Blair Waldorf's most recent attempt at world domination. For as long as I've known Blair, power has been her Holy Grail. She has wanted it more than anything, been willing to do anything to get it, double-cross anyone she thinks might stand in her way - yet it continues to elude her.
More than anything, Blair wants the power she wielded in high school. Her hunger for power is her fatal flaw. She wants to be Queen B again. It was a title she earned through manipulating, conniving, and scheming against anyone and everyone, leaving her entire social realm in a state of constant upheaval. And it worked for her. Then. Now the rest of the world has grown up, and she still acts like a school girl.
Blair has faces. She has different faces, like masks that she puts on in order to get what she wants. To thrive at Constance she became Queen B - imperial, cold, with a very cruel sense of humor. She was absolutely ruthless when it came to establishing popularity and maintaining dominance. And what made her especially dangerous is that she is so smart. The girl can look at you, ferret out your weakness, your greatest vulnerability, and then twist the screws slowly, like the most hardened inquisitors.
She did it to me, sure. But the real victim was my little sister, Jenny, who spent years trying only to do the Queen's bidding - stealing, lying to our parents, making the other girls cry - in a fruitless attempt to please Blair and secure her own safety at Constance. It didn't work. Even years later, when she should have put away her childish things, Blair (quite literally) banished Jenny from Manhattan. Seriously. She issued the banishment like a queen issuing a royal decree. And Jenny, who is otherwise willful and tough, humbly obeyed. Stranger still, we all humbly obeyed. So powerful is Blair's imperial mask.
Like the queens in fairytales, Blair fixates on the women who pose the greatest threat to her rein. Jenny was small potatoes compared to Serena van der Woodsen.